If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
