do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
