Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
