if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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