I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
