Umm I'm too high to move.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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