I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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