she woke up with a sticky ear
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
