i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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