okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
