we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
