But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
where are my eyebrows?
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