Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My liver just broke up with me...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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