i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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