you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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