i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
