GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
