After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
