Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The adults are the big ones right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
