Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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