I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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