I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
