I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my being single is dangerous.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
