Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
