Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
