Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
