pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
