i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
