im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ladies don't puke and tell
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
