You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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