please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
