p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
