Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
