I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
