im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
