so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
