just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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