Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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