just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
