it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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