ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
