The maid of honor just puked.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
