i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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