I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
