I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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