Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
