I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
