Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
whose parrot is this?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
