If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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