You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
