I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
