I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
