Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
