I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
