Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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