hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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