You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
