u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
